Ashley (satinkitte) wrote,


I feel... so empty and unwanted.

how is it that I make the house "abnormal" or in Bills words he needs things "back to normal" yet my situation with them right now IS "normal" for me. Nobody understands how that feels. Never being loved....ever. It's proven that (mr borbos just asked me why I was crying and I told him I yawned) human beings need touch and effection AND love in order to survive...I have none of those things yet I'm still here. Why?

I don't even have the energy to argue with anyone anymore. I don't care if you don't care. I don't care if you lie. I don't care if you don't want me. I'm sick of begging for love. Little matters to me right now.

"If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things." I can't force anyone to do it. But I do it. And in the process of doing it I've fucked up my life.

I have nobody. I feel nothing. I want nothing more than to wollow in my own nothingness peacefully.

I have never been this scared. What am I going to do? I don't have ANY money. NOBODY is ready to move out so I'll have no roomate. How am I going to keep my grades up if I have to work every day and if I have to move out right before exams?

I hate it.

My weekend was really fun yet it rings hollow after the above. It was ruined by a lie and now that lie has been overcome by an empty life given by an empty emotion.
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